Friday, 3 October 2008

Mmmm...not looking good.

The following is one of those email attachments that you find around the place on the joys of being a man. Some things I definitely agree with but overall, I am in bad shape.


Phone conversations last 30 seconds
Well, lots do but not all.

You know useful stuff about tanks and aeroplanes
Well, no.

A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase

Toilet lines are 80% shorter
Absolutely a blessing.

You can open all your own jars

Old friends don't give you crap if you've lost or gained weight
Also true.

Dry cleaners and haircutters don't rob you blind

When clicking through the channels you don't have to stop on every shot
of someone crying
I don't click through channels. I know what I want to watch.

You don't have to lug a bag of "necessary" items with you everywhere
you go
I keep them all in the shed at home.

You can go to the lavatory alone
Is there any other way?

Your last name stays put
Sort of. Does that include non-de-plumes?

You can leave a motel room bed unmade
Oh yes! And I don't fold and stack the towels, either.

You can kill your own food
If I had to, yes. Not something I would do for fun.

The garage is all yours
No garage and the junk in the carport was put there by someone else.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness
Of course!

You see the humor in "Terms of Endearment"
Never seen it at all, humorously or otherwise.

You never have to clean the toilet

You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes

Wedding plans take care of themselves
Thank heavens. If left to me it would be elopement every time.

If someone forgets to invite you to something, they can still be your
I often prefer it that way.

Your underwear cost $7.50 for a pack of 3
Plus inflation, this is an old email attachment.

None of your co-workers has the power to make you cry

You don't have to shave below your neck
I suppose not.

You don't have to curl up next to some big, hairy bloke every night
Now, that is a blessing.

If your 34 and single, no one notices
54 and married, no one cares..

Chocolate is just another snack
But dark chocolate is a good snack.

You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat
I get a bit twitchy.

Flowers fix everything
No, but they are a good start.

You never have to worry about other's feelings
Wrong, wrong, wrong.

Three pair of shoes are more than enough

You can say anything and not worry about what people think
But it is figuring out what people think that is such fun!

Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe

You can whip your shirt off on a hot day
Can. Don't.

Car mechanics tell you the truth
But how would I know?

You don't give a flip if someone doesn't notice your new haircut

You can watch a game in silence for hours without your buddy thinking
"he must be mad at me."
Suppose so. Not many games I watch for long at the best of times.

One mood, all the time
Ha! No.

You can admire Clint Eastwood without having to starve yourself to
look like him
Why would I like to look like him?

Same work.......more pay
Same work, same pay. No exceptions.

Gray hair and wrinkles add character
Happy with that.

Wedding dress $2000, dinner suit rental 100 bucks
This is an old email attachment, isn't it?

You don't care if someone is talking behind your back
Of course I care. They should seek counselling.

You don't pass on the dessert and then mooch off someone else's
True. I can only pass on dessert if it hasn't been made yet. Once it is on the table, all bets are off.

The remote is yours and yours alone
If you are looking for the remote, I threw it over in the corner somewhere. I don't want the wretched thing. Mind you I cannot watch TV if someone else is flipping the channels.

You need not pretend you're "freshening up" when you go to the loo
But I probably will.

If you don't call your cobber when you said you would he won't tell
your friends you've changed
If I say I will do something, it happens. On time, too.

If another bloke shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might
become lifelong mates
Not causal.

The occasional well -rendered belch is practically expected
No, it's not.

You think the idea of drop kicking that small, ankle-biting dog is funny
Only if the f*cking thing barks all day when all I want is to sit peacefully in my front yard.

If something mechanical didn't work , you can bash it with a hammer
and throw it across the room
I've learnt from experience that this is a poor maintenance strategy.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet
Says who?.

You don't have to remember everyone's birthday and anniversary
But I do.


  1. tsk.. tsk.. u are indeed in very bad shape. I should know because your answers are very very similar to mine. And I have XX chromosomes.

  2. I am with you on the dog bit - all rise up & whistle!!!!!!!!

  3. Where are they getting their shoes from? Does it say?

  4. You're an answer to a maiden's prayer, Lee!

    'You can go to the lavatory alone
    Is there any other way?'

    Apparently there is a saying - in French - that 'a good Frenchman never pisses alone'.


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