Sign in a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY
PLEASE BRING IT BACK
OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
Outside a farm:
HORSE MANURE 50p PER PRE-PACKED BAG
20p DO-IT-YOURSELF
In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND
UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
On a church door:
THIS IS THE GATE OF HEAVEN. ENTER YE ALL BY THIS DOOR.
THIS DOOR IS KEPT LOCKED BECAUSE OF THE DRAFT.
(PLEASE USE SIDE DOOR.)
English sign in a German cafe:
MOTHERS, PLEASE WASH YOUR HANS BEFORE EATING
Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES ETC.
WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Sign outside a new town hall which was to be opened by the
Prince of Wales:
THE TOWN HALL IS CLOSED UNTIL OPENING.
IT WILL REMAIN CLOSED AFTER BEING OPENED.
OPEN TOMORROW.
Outside a photographer's studio:
OUT TO LUNCH: IF NOT BACK BY FIVE, OUT FOR DINNER ALSO
Outside a disco:
SMARTS IS THE MOST EXCLUSIVE DISCO IN TOWN.
EVERYONE WELCOME
Sign warning of quicksand:
QUICKSAND. ANY PERSON PASSING THIS POINT WILL BE DROWNED.
BY ORDER OF THE DISTRICT COUNCIL.
Notice sent to residents of a Wiltshire parish:
DUE TO INCREASING PROBLEMS WITH LETTER LOUTS AND VANDALS
WE MUST ASK ANYONE WITH RELATIVES BURIED IN THE GRAVEYARD
TO DO THEIR BEST TO KEEP THEM IN ORDER
Notice in a dry cleaner's window:
ANYONE LEAVING THEIR GARMENTS HERE FOR MORE THAN 30 DAYS
WILL BE DISPOSED OF.
Sign on motorway garage:
PLEASE DO NOT SMOKE NEAR OUR PETROL PUMPS. YOUR LIFE MAY
NOT BE WORTH MUCH BUT OUR PETROL IS
Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT,
THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR
Notice in a field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE,
BUT THE BULL CHARGES
Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS
Sign on a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING.
(PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
Sign at Norfolk farm gate:
BEWARE! I SHOOT EVERY TENTH TRESPASSER
AND THE NINTH ONE HAS JUST LEFT
Spotted in a toilet in a London office block:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER.
PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
...
hahahha! haven't had a good laugh for a while... boy! feels so good! :)
ReplyDeleteSign outside a Greek orthodox church in Rathdowne St, Carlton (melbourne) : Sunday School, Wednesdays 5 p.m.
ReplyDeleteSign above a door of the Hôpital Cochin in Paris : Liberté, Egalité, Fraternité, Maternité
Graffiti on a condom vending machine in a London Tube station : This machine sells the worst chewing gum in all London.
Graffiti on a wall in Edinburgh : (1) My mother made me a homosexual. (2) If I give her the wool will she make me one too ?
Cheers,
Algernon Sidney Montagu
Ha ha..those are funny but most of the time they happened due to poor English conduct..or just ignorance maybe.
ReplyDeletethis is funny! i think i'll use this for my English Class =D
ReplyDeletea gud laugh...gud way to start my day..
ReplyDeleteYes, I think I'll nick a printout for hospital visits and English classes!
ReplyDeleteLoved them. Read each with an anticipatory smile.
ReplyDeleteGood one!!!
ReplyDelete