Tuesday, 25 November 2008

Chain letters

(Not mine, I just took all the unnecessary F words out.)

I'm hoping Margaret's friends don't read my blog. And if some do, I am pretty sure that the ones that I am about to poke fun at don't. Shhh! Not a word, OK?

When we were travelling all our mail came to one gmail account so I had first hand contact with the sorts of emails that were being sent to her.

So many were chain letters. Or chain emails.

You know the sort I mean; they fall into several categories.

1. The 'make a wish' type. Usually cutesy emails full of love and hope and kittens. But the love, hope and kittens will all be callously squashed if you fail to forward the email on yesterday or, preferable, sooner to ten friends, and also to the sender to show that she too is loved, within 5 minutes.

2. The 'small child at risk' type. Where there is some girl in a Bolubian village with five legs and no mouth who will be saved if your immediately forward the email to everyone in your address book. Not only will she be miraculously saved but Microsoft will give 5¢ to the fund for every email forwarded. But they, Microsoft, will only perform this amazing feat of telekinetic generosity if you forward the email in the next two minutes. No it doesn't matter that the email has sat in your in-box for three days, it is the two minutes that matters.

3. The 'horror story' type. Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something horrible will happen to you like:

*Bizarre Horror Story #1
Miranda Pinstley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had recently received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of poopie, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died. This Could Happen To You!!!

*Bizarre Horror Story #2
Dexter Bipple, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car, trampled by a wild pig, pack-raped by a delegation of blind priests (and their guide dogs) and then struck by a meteorite on the way to hospital. He died and went to hell and were cursed to eat adorable kittens every day for eternity. This Could Happen To You Too!!!

Now, some emails and their attachments are funny. I like them.

But don't tell me some horrible misfortune will happen if I just read them and bin them.

I wont be your friend if you do.

And you will get leprosy, shingles, VD and anal warts and spend the next twenty years in the jungle, rubbing your itching, foul and rotting body with elephant dung, in a forlorn hope of a cure.


  1. Lord, but I hate those sorts of emails. I've told nearly everyone I know that if they send them to me, I will curse them. And still, I get them! I just delete 'em. After I curse the sender, that is.

  2. Oh. Can I stop rubbing myself with elephant dung now?

  3. hihi... this is funny and I actually don't like chain letters too. but the one you posted, i think i'll send that... It's the first time for me to know that a chain letter really works! the NOTHING HAPPENED stuff! =0

    thanks for always sharing your views... truly appreciate them. especially your comment about your farmer best friend! it made me laugh..hihi

  4. Mark! You are beside yourself in your agreement!

  5. hahhahahahahah........

    This is sooooooooo hillarious...so very true...
    n still there r many 'intelligent' mind outthere who actually believe them.....

    I will definitely email this.....
    or post in my blog if u don't mind...

  6. haha! loved the one who thought of this. too funny! so true. i still get chain mails, i must admit i like the cute pictures, but i rarely forward them. the "horror" and "beware" type i usually don't even open to read.

  7. I'm with you on this too, Lee. And then there's always one good and trusted friend or family member who says: "I don't normally forward this sort of thing but this is special ....", and you feel bad if don't read it.

  8. Yes Lee this one you have posted is good, I dont like the chain e-mails that predict gloom and doom if you dont forward them on. ♥
    It is surprising how many people believe they will be harmed if they dont and that's just not right.
    Hmmm... Uh oh...maybe that's why I am cursed. :-)

  9. I delete this type of emails before reading them. Haven't lost any fingers so far.

  10. I will straight away delete them.. I don't care what will happen to me!

  11. I recently found out that this type of email is used to send tracking cookies to the recipient. I didn't send them before, but sure do hate to get them now, for that reason. It means that I have to clean up the cookies more often.

  12. The chain emails drive me nuts! It's so bad that I even delete the emails from my grandfather without opening. It is the only kind he sends out.

    The rest of my family has stopped sending them since I always responded to the latest doom and gloom emails with a link to snopes debunking whatever they sent (and copying everyone on it as well). I presume they just forward to the more gullible types now....

  13. I'm with you...
    I stopped getting them once I began sending back the link to the snopes.com page which debunked every single 'amazing' story. I still can't get rid of the kittens though, even though I NEVER forward them.

  14. i used to get angry with the people who sent me that crap, but then a nicer person than i am explained that some people use these things to stay in touch and to share affection. personally i would rather get a one line email saying, "hi, i love you and wanted you to know." now when i get one i try to remember this could be just an attempt to share fondness before reaching for the delete key.

    but, what about all those emails of criminal warnings - the ones about different ways men are going to grab us and put us in their vans and take us off for rape and murder? or some tear jerker story which is just not true. i wish people would verify the authenticity of the information before they forward. i check snopes.com and let them know, but i resent getting the mail in the first place.

  15. I can't believe you said "poopie".


  16. I love this post!! I wont forward it to anyone. Let them come here for themselves. The worst that will happen is, they will get a great laugh!

  17. Oh my sides are aching. That is so funny I've been laughing so hard. In fact it's so funny I've actually sent a link to this post to a few of my pals. Hope you don't mind. I HATE chain emails or anything like that. Mum detests them too and takes pleasure in deleting them and purposefully not passing them on.


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