I'm hoping Margaret's friends don't read my blog. And if some do, I am pretty sure that the ones that I am about to poke fun at don't. Shhh! Not a word, OK?
When we were travelling all our mail came to one gmail account so I had first hand contact with the sorts of emails that were being sent to her.
So many were chain letters. Or chain emails.
You know the sort I mean; they fall into several categories.
1. The 'make a wish' type. Usually cutesy emails full of love and hope and kittens. But the love, hope and kittens will all be callously squashed if you fail to forward the email on yesterday or, preferable, sooner to ten friends, and also to the sender to show that she too is loved, within 5 minutes.
2. The 'small child at risk' type. Where there is some girl in a Bolubian village with five legs and no mouth who will be saved if your immediately forward the email to everyone in your address book. Not only will she be miraculously saved but Microsoft will give 5¢ to the fund for every email forwarded. But they, Microsoft, will only perform this amazing feat of telekinetic generosity if you forward the email in the next two minutes. No it doesn't matter that the email has sat in your in-box for three days, it is the two minutes that matters.
3. The 'horror story' type. Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something horrible will happen to you like:
*Bizarre Horror Story #1
Miranda Pinstley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had recently received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of poopie, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died. This Could Happen To You!!!
*Bizarre Horror Story #2
Dexter Bipple, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car, trampled by a wild pig, pack-raped by a delegation of blind priests (and their guide dogs) and then struck by a meteorite on the way to hospital. He died and went to hell and were cursed to eat adorable kittens every day for eternity. This Could Happen To You Too!!!
Now, some emails and their attachments are funny. I like them.
But don't tell me some horrible misfortune will happen if I just read them and bin them.
I wont be your friend if you do.
And you will get leprosy, shingles, VD and anal warts and spend the next twenty years in the jungle, rubbing your itching, foul and rotting body with elephant dung, in a forlorn hope of a cure.