Monday, 25 January 2010

Burns Night

Kennedy tartan.
(Actually I go back to Ireland, via Scotland,
but why not have a whiskey anyway?)

Happy Burns Night!

No, not the result of a badly planned Australia Day BBQ, Robbie Burns, the Scottish poet.

A couple of Scottish jokes to celebrate:

A lodger in a Scottish guest house in Milngavie, near Glasgow, was on his way to the bathroom carrying his shaving gear, when the landlady stopped him and said, 'Have you got a good memory for faces, Mr MacGregor?'

'Och aye,' Mac replied.

'That's just as well,' she said, 'because there's no mirror in the bathroom.'


Scotland - The home of golf
Sign at a Scottish golf course: 'Members will refrain from picking up lost balls until they have stopped rolling.'


At an auction in Glasgow a wealthy American announced that he had lost his wallet containing £10,000 [$20,000USD] and would give a reward of £100 to the person who found it.

From the back of the hall a Scottish voice shouted, 'I'll give £150.'


Ear Muffs
Winters can be extremely cold in northern Scotland, so the owner of the estate felt he was doing a good deed when he bought earmuffs for his farm worker, Archie.

Noticing, however, that Archie wasn't wearing the earmuffs even on the coldest day, the owner asked, 'Didn't you like the earmuffs I gave you?' Archie replied, not wishing to upset his employer, 'Och, they are a wondrous thing.'

'Then why don't you wear them then?'

Archie explained, 'I was wearing them the first day, but somebody offered to buy me a drink and I didnae hear him.'


Did you hear about the thoughtful Scotsman who was heading out to the pub? He turned to his wee wife before leaving and said, 'Jackie - put your hat and coat on lassie.'

She replied, 'Awe Iain that's nice - are you taking me to the pub with you?'

'Nae, just switching the central heating off while I'm oot.'



  1. Happy Burn's Night/Australia Day Lee, I hope you, Margaret and the family have a great day and night.

    Love the Irish 'Kennedy' tartan. ♡

  2. Happy Burns! I go back to Scotland, via Ireland. :^)

  3. Help ma boab, whit better wuy tae celebrate the makar's birthday than tae tak the pish oot o us pair scots

  4. I thought Burns Night was Nov 5th in A&E in the UK.

  5. By the way, how do you do the label cloud?

  6. What no haggis and neeps? Hmmph fine burns night this is turning out to be. Thanks for the jokes anyway.

  7. Having been born in Scotland and surrounded by Scotsmen my entire life, these made me snort.

    Chairman Bill, November 5 is Guy Fawkes night :)

  8. I think Chairman Bill was having a shot at the number of burns cases in casualty wards on Guy Fawkes night.

  9. well, sir, I thought and I thought and I thought.
    Shame, but everything in my mind came to naught.
    Couldn'ta think of a thing to have said
    about my favorite color, plaid.

    Like them all, wide and thin,
    how the weave goes out then in,
    and how nice that we've gotten to be seeing
    that yours is a stately fine green!

    'Course, while all mine right now are
    a simpler design, and mostly in red,
    I used to have a green and a blue, too, with a tear.
    Yup, there ain't nothing like a fine, new plaid!

    (even if it is as old as the family!)

  10. I appreciate a frugal feast in January, anyway. Wish I'd had those jokes to taunt our token Scot with on Monday (he's really English/Canadian anyway, he just maintains a Scottish identity as an excuse to be mean...)

  11. Long, long ago, in a Bygone Age, was there not a Brave Knight that inhabited these Parts of AussieLand?

    His suggestions as a Veteran Warrior would be most Welcome in the present Extremity.

    Sorry off-topic old chap, but thought OK on a back post. NRN as I do believe said Knight has retired.

  12. I've passed your plight on to Mr Newbery. Not sure if he still owns any armour.


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