I have spent hours pouring over Tarot Cards, chook entrails and tea leaves to bring you my predictions for 2010.
Come December 31st, we will do a tally.
1. There will be a major disaster in China. Thousands will die but the government will refuse overseas aid.
2. The long feared, and eagerly anticipated by the media, San Francisco earthquake will fail to happen.
3. A plane will crash into a built up area. The number 7 is relevant in this event.
4. Fidel Castro will die but no-one will notice.
5. China will assassinate the Dalai Lama, claiming national security as justification and the CIA's use of drone planes and extraordinary rendition as its pivotal moral guidelines.
6a. The Queen will die suddenly.
6b. Appalled at the prospect of being overseen by Queen Camilla, Australia moves to become a republic.
7. A major rocket will explode on launch.
8. Kevin Rudd will be re-elected PM or Australia; Bronwyn Bishop will become the leader of the tattered remnants of the Liberal Party. Both parties will suffer losses of high profile members.
9. There will be a postal strike just before Christmas but no-one will care as they all sent SMS greetings anyway.
10. Somali pirates will capture a cruise liner; troops from southern Europe are involved in a disastrous attempt to recapture the vessel.
11. The price of oil will hit US$170 a barrel.
12. Climate change sceptics will continue to mock "global warming" as Europe and the US suffer worse blizzards than those of the winter of 2009.
13. The US endures more hurricanes in one year than ever before.
14. Despite the lobbying of the right-wing media for it to happen (while piously saying that they hope it wont and thereby keeping it in the mind of the lunatic gun crowd), Barack Obama is not assassinated.
15a. Major bushfires sweep through Victoria in February.
15b. Media panics as all the good names for bush fires have already been taken. Settle on Black Saturday II, III, IV and Ash Wednesday, The Sequel.
16. A major crash in an F1 race takes the life of a major competitor. The letter M figures strongly.
17. Camels are going to be important for some reason.
18. A Pakistani leader assassinated by the Taliban.
19. The colour blue is going to figure strongly in a major news story.
20. Tom Cruise renounces Scientology as a fraudulent and manipulative organisation and, in search of moral redemption, joins the Mafia.
21. As a distraction from its domestic upheavals, Iran will invade and annex a large portion of Iraq.