Wednesday, 4 July 2007

Amateur Geniuses...

A contest was held for people to submit their theories on ANY subject.

Here are the winners:

4th RUNNER-UP (Subject: Probability Theory)--If an infinite number of yobboes riding in an infinite number of four wheel drives fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an infinite number of highway signs, they will eventually produce all the world's great literary works in Braille.

3rd RUNNER-UP (Subject: Bio- Mechanics)--Why Yawning Is Contagious: You yawn to equalize the pressure on your eardrums. This pressure change outside your eardrums unbalances other people's ear pressures, so they then yawn to even it out.

2nd RUNNER-UP (Subject: Symbolic Logic)-- Communist China is technologically underdeveloped because they have no alphabet and therefore cannot use acronyms to communicate technical ideas at a faster rate.

1st RUNNER-UP (Subject: Newtonian Mechanics)--The earth may spin faster on its axis due to deforestation. Just as a figure skater's rate of spin increases when the arms are brought in close to the body, the cutting of tall trees may cause our planet to spin dangerously fast.

HONORABLE MENTION (Subject: Linguistics)-- The quantity of consonants in the English language is constant. If omitted in one place, they turn up in another. When a Bostonian "pahks his cah," the lost R's migrate southwest, causing a Texan to "warsh" his car and invest in "erl" wells.

GRAND PRIZE WINNER (Subject: Perpetual Motion)--When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is dropped, it always lands buttered side down. It was proposed to strap giant slabs of hot buttered toast, butter-side-up, to the back of a hundred tethered cats; the two opposing forces will cause the cats to hover, spinning inches above the ground. Using the giant buttered toast/cat array, a high-speed monorail could easily link New York with Chicago.


  1. wonderful, thanks for the laugh this morning!

  2. Good start to my day, also!

  3. A deserving winner!

    Nice to laugh out loud when one is alone.

  4. hahahahahahahaha!!! the grand prize winner deserves it!!! great theories! thanks for the good laugh!
    Big hugs,

  5. Thanks for the laugh! Namaste!

  6. All wonderful, but indeed, the grand prize winner deserves it!

  7. DANG! I missed out on the contest?

    And that picture y'all showed reminded me of a "theory" I had many moons before even understanding realitivity....

    ah well, a late entery was what most of my papers were, anyway, so, here goes.

    this from a man who claimed the speed of light to be the maximum speed of the universe. So, I spent many days wondering how he came to use light squared, when suddenly I figured it out!
    It's like on the cartoons (more likely the comics from when we were kids, and I won't go into just how long ago THAT was...)
    When a character saw something, dotted lines would go from his eyes to the object, and then dotted lines would come back to the character.
    That was it! The speed of light squared was the velocity of someone seeing something mutiplied
    by the velocity of the object going to the eyeball of the viewer.


    I are a smart one, ain't I?

    spose it's too late fer a prize, though.

    I'm going to go see Rattatoie...
    oh shoot. I can't even spell it, but, I can't ferget that it was you who said it first many moons back when I had that picture of a "new cat treat" in a tin....

    lil pinkies, eh?

  8. The Monorail sounds wonderful -- But would only work if all the cats were the same weight, right ?
    Another brilliant post !

  9. I really needed a belly laugh this morning... THANK YOU!!!!


Moderation cuts in six days after posting.