Double entry bookkeeping.

When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts", and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
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Reflections on the universe.

Photo: Hubble telescope

Sherlock Holmes and Watson are on a camping trip and have pitched their tent under the stars.

Some time during the night, Holmes wakes up and looks up at the stars. He nudges Watson awake and asks him what he observes.

Watson replies "Why, Holmes, I see millions of stars, glittering in the night sky".

"And", asks Holmes, "what do you deduce from that?"

Watson replies “Astronomically, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Theologically, it tells me that God is great and we are small and insignificant. Horologically, it tells me that it's about 3 AM. Meteorologically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Holmes?”

Sherlock responds “Watson, it tells me that somebody has stolen our tent!”
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Some truths...

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.

2) One reason to smile is that every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.

3) The best way to keep kids at home is to make a pleasant atmosphere and let the air out of their tires.

4) Families are like fudge . . . mostly sweet, with a few nuts.

5) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.

6) My mind not only wanders; sometimes it leaves completely.

7) If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.
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Amateur Geniuses...

A contest was held for people to submit their theories on ANY subject.

Here are the winners:

4th RUNNER-UP (Subject: Probability Theory)--If an infinite number of yobboes riding in an infinite number of four wheel drives fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an infinite number of highway signs, they will eventually produce all the world's great literary works in Braille.

3rd RUNNER-UP (Subject: Bio- Mechanics)--Why Yawning Is Contagious: You yawn to equalize the pressure on your eardrums. This pressure change outside your eardrums unbalances other people's ear pressures, so they then yawn to even it out.

2nd RUNNER-UP (Subject: Symbolic Logic)-- Communist China is technologically underdeveloped because they have no alphabet and therefore cannot use acronyms to communicate technical ideas at a faster rate.

1st RUNNER-UP (Subject: Newtonian Mechanics)--The earth may spin faster on its axis due to deforestation. Just as a figure skater's rate of spin increases when the arms are brought in close to the body, the cutting of tall trees may cause our planet to spin dangerously fast.

HONORABLE MENTION (Subject: Linguistics)-- The quantity of consonants in the English language is constant. If omitted in one place, they turn up in another. When a Bostonian "pahks his cah," the lost R's migrate southwest, causing a Texan to "warsh" his car and invest in "erl" wells.

GRAND PRIZE WINNER (Subject: Perpetual Motion)--When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is dropped, it always lands buttered side down. It was proposed to strap giant slabs of hot buttered toast, butter-side-up, to the back of a hundred tethered cats; the two opposing forces will cause the cats to hover, spinning inches above the ground. Using the giant buttered toast/cat array, a high-speed monorail could easily link New York with Chicago.
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Beavering away...

Beavering away - studying for statistics exam on Wednesday - so a joke to keep the blog warm.

A gardener, an architect, and a lawyer are discussing which of their vocations is the most ancient.

The gardener comments, "My vocation goes back to the Garden of Eden, when God told Adam to tend the garden."

The architect comments, "My vocation goes back to the creation, when God created the world itself from primordial chaos."

They both look curiously at the lawyer, who asks, "And who do you think created the primordial chaos?
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USB Toaster.

I wonder if they have a waffle iron?
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