Thursday, 24 December 2009

Taking the fun out of Christmas?


British researchers say they have devised a guaranteed method of pulling crackers, to avoid disappoint at the dinner table this Christmas.

The researchers say the method for always winning the long end of the cracker, and therefore the prize inside, is in the angle that you grip it.

They have released a mathematical formula to follow to guarantee success.

The formula, O11xC/L+5xQ, is based on the angle, grip and quality of the cracker.

You must first multiply the circumference of the cracker in inches (C) by 11 before dividing that number by the length (L) of the barrel.

Take that total and add it to the figure you get when you multiply the quality (Q) by five.

The quality is either one, two or three, depending on whether the cracker is cheap, standard or premium.

The formula ought to produce a figure between 20 and 55 degrees, which is the optimum pulling angle (O).

The cracker should also be pulled one inch from the end of the tail, newspapers said.

A quality control team at British department store Debenhams pulled hundreds of crackers in the run-up to Christmas before discovering the winning formula.

What I want to know is what do I have to do to stop having to wear a silly hat?


  1. We had a bunch of Chinese crackers at our recent works Xmas do. I was amused to find the safety instructions written on the reverse of the joke slip, which could only be read once you've used them.

  2. The trick is to surreptitiously tear teh silly hat as you open it out and then it fully tears when you put it on your head. "Oh dear! Nevermind!"

  3. who's that odd fellow over there without a hat?

  4. Oh, have a Merry Christmas anyway! Think of the hat, having to sit on your silly head. LOL

  5. i believe that you failed to quote the most important part of the article which specifically says that you must be wearing the silly hat in order to for this to work.
    way to go lee. nice job of deceiving your loyal readers.

    have a holly jolly one, sir.
    looking forward to antoher year of your inique perspecitves & observations.

  6. What's worse, having to read the joke or having to guess the punchline. Yet to come across this supposed premium cracker.


Moderation cuts in six days after posting.