Sunday, 30 August 2009

Terrorism at Target


After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.

Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target.

Dear Mrs.Hudson

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store.We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store.

Our complaints against your husband, Mr. J.Hudson are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away?. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layby.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' Police were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!' And last, but not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.


  1. My trips to the store are so boring - not any more! Can't wait to try some of these out ;)

  2. I love this!
    And, you know what, Lee? I can see you doing every one of them...ha!

  3. THIS is superb!! So funny I laughed so hard!! :D

  4. OMG ROFL. man when u are bad u are very bad!!

  5. I hate to shop... and I have considered doing a few of these things (or paying Ryan to do them) just to liven Target up a bit. I figure it'd be repayment for the subliminal messages they play through their in-store music system... you know, the ones that make me spend $100 every time I enter the store.

  6. That's why I hardly shop with my hubby..ha ha ha.

  7. You certainly made me laugh Lee...somehow shopping at Target now will never be quite the same.

    P.S I have slipped deodorants into the trolleys of men who really needed to use them as a favour to the breathing community (was that wrong of me?) and I have tried the Madonna funnel trick. Lol ♡

  8. Hmmm...I just ogle other women. ;-)
    (hey, if I have to waste my time, I might as well enjoy it.)


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